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"When poetry emerged, under the T’ang, as an important, if not the chief, criterion in the selection of officials, many scholars—by means of imperial examinations (or, in special cases, private audience)—achieved the coveted chin-shih (a term meaning “presented scholar”) degree and appointment to official posts. Therefore, a number of poets, especially during the T’ang and early Sung eras, were primarily high officials…” (From Sunflower Splendor: Three Thousand Years of Chinese Poetry by Wu-chi Liu and Irving Yucheng Lo, editors) What follows is a previously undiscovered dialogue among three T’ang era government officials, translated from the original Chinese into English. * Disclaimer: Translations below—especially poetic translations—may be anachronous or otherwise incorrect. A fountain in T’ang-era Xi’an, China, circa 870 A.D. A robed government official greets his friend… Government Official #1: “Hello, friend.” Government Official #2: “Hello.” Government Official #1: “It is a wonderful day, is it not?” Government Official #2: “It is. Made more so by my newly earned official government position.” Government Official #1: “Congratulations, fellow poetic civil servant, and welcome to the club. I mean, government.” Government Official #2: “Verily, I say unto you: the Emperor is truly wise. What could be wiser than choosing government officials based on poetic ability?” Government Official #1: “Not much.” Government Official #2: “Not much at all.” Government Official #1: “Who hired you? What is your position?” Government Official #2: “Hmm… what was his name? Pi? Po? Maybe it was Pe. I was transfixed by the beauty of a passing cloud, and was not paying much attention. I am… Minister of Garbage Collection, perhaps? It was something to do with sanitation.” Government Official #1: “Much better than our last occupation.” Government Official #2: “You mean our ill-fated attempt in the hospitality industry?” Government Official #1: “The world was not ready to accept our quaint and dainty inn.” Government Official #2: “Or our non-traditional male relationship.” Government Official #1: “I meant our occupation before the short life of the Gay Crane Hotel and Resort.” Government Official #2: “The last time we were in the employ of the Emperor.” Government Official #1: “Testing gunpowder was unsafe, and, in retrospect, personally unwise.” Government Official #2: “Still, someone had to do it.” Government Official #1: “That someone was us.” Government Official #2: “The process was not without casualties.” Government Official #1: “Let us bow our heads and compose a poem to our late companion in alchemy.” Government Official #2: “Someone approaches.” Government Official #1: “Hello! Are you also a poet and government official?” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #1: “How is it that this newcomer so resembles our deceased friend?” Government Official #2: “We saw him explode. This must be a relative. Are you a relative, newcomer?” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #1: “The resemblance is uncanny.” Government Official #2: “And the speech pattern—nearly identical.” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #1: “Ah well. Winter approaches, and there is much to be done. As Minister of Structural Integrity and Architecture, I am in charge of building inspections and repairs. Shall we attend to the business of running the government?” Government Official #2: “I suppose. But first, should we not use our poetic abilities to seek rapture, personal fulfillment, and effective governance strategies?” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #1: “Hmm… tempting. While your suggestion is somewhat impractical, it is also perfectly poetic. Still, I have ignored building inspections in favor of poetry for some time…” Government Official #2: “Pshaw!” Government Official #1: “Touché.” Government Official #2: “The Emperor wanted skilled poets in his government. Why would he do that unless he wanted them to write poetry?” Government Official #1: “Very well. I will start.” Poetry peers provacatively past piecemeal plinths as poor people pen plaintive poems, persuasive packs of plight Government Official #2: “It’s very… alliterative.” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #2: “But perhaps a bit too…” Government Official #1: “Alliterative?” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #2: “Yes.” Government Official #1: “Perhaps you would like to try?” Government Official #2: “Don’t mind if I do. But I am thirsty. Have you any water to drink?” Government Official #1: “Something better than water. My own secret recipe, a powdered mix of sugar and orange dye, which, when added to water, results in refreshment and delight.” Government Official #2: “Mmm. Delicious. It is akin to liquid sunshine. What do you call it?” Government Official #1: “In honor of our Emperor, I have dubbed it ‘Tang’.” Government Official #2: “Kiss-ass.” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #1: “Let’s hear that poem.” Government Official #2: “Here goes.” Pushing papers seems so unimportant when the poetry awaits Government Official #1: “I like it, but it seems a bit ahead of its time.” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #1: “As if the form of the poem had not been invented yet. Or as if it belonged to another culture entirely.” Government Official #3: “Hai-ku!” Government Official #2: “Bless you.” Government Official #1: “Gesundheit.” Government Official #3: “Hai-ku!” Government Official #1: “You really should take care of that.” Government Official #2: “Take a sick day. Or two.” Government Official #1: “Writing poetry about writing poetry grows tiresome. Let us find other subjects. That cat there, for example. It moves… like a cat. I am inspired.” The cat comes in on little cat feet… Government Official #2: “Profound, yet simple. Profoundly simple.” Government Official #1: “Perhaps you mean ‘simply profound’?” Government Official #3: “No.” Government Official #2: “No.” Government Official #1: “And true. I saw the cat myself.” Government Official #2: “There is no denying.” Government Official #1: “But perhaps another subject… There—that merchant from Chengdu. What’s he doing? Let me describe the scene in a poem.” There once was a man from Chengdu Who noticed a smell on his shoe He first thought it was mud But, wiping the crud Saw the mud was actually-- Government Official #2: “Pu!” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #1: “Yes.” Government Official #2: “No, I mean Mr. Pu… that’s the name of the guy who hired me.” Government Official #1: “Pu makes a foul poem.” Government Official #3: “Confucius say.” Government Official #2: “I can’t help but notice these buildings are in a state of disrepair.” Government Official #1: “I can’t help but notice the garbage hasn’t been picked up.” Government Official #2: “What this government needs is bold leadership.” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #2: “Commitment and sacrifice.” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #2: “New ideas and creativity.” Government Official #3: “Affirmative.” Government Official #2: “Very creative.” Government Official #1: “Indeed.” Government Official #2: “More poetry will show us the way.” Government Official #3: “No.” Government Official #1: “Excellently, we are fine poets.” Government Official #3: “No.” Government Official #2: “Here goes.” The garbage issues a wretched smell I suspect it may be so until The buildings collapse, covering it all It gives us much to mull Government Official #1: “You’re slightly off, aren’t you?” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #1: “I meant in the poem.” Government Official #3: “Yes. No.” Government Official #2: “The secret is ‘near-rhymes’.” Government Official #1: “That sounds like a scam.” Government Official #2: “Isn’t it all?” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #1: “I also thought I detected some assonance.” Government Official #2: “Not true. I am very humble.” Government Official #1: “And some consonance.” Government Official #2: “And some vowels.” Government Official #1: “I, too, can demonstrate creative ways to illustrate our predicament.” I emerge to the street and the heat retreats Bending towers shake and shimmy in the stench of… Garbage… Raiding my nostrils like a Mongol horde The smell offends as it ascends D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E Surely we are near… the end. Government Official #2: “It is as if I have been slammed with poetry.” Government Official #1: “Will you match my poem with one of your own?” Government Official #2: “And our companion here will judge.” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #2: “No ideas are coming.” Government Official #1: “When similarly stricken, I like to contemplate my navel. By focusing on the simple things, I become inspired. I call it ‘navel-gazing’.” Government Official #2: “And this helps you generate ideas?” Government Official #1: “Yes. Of course, it’s more fun to aim a bit further down and contemplate your—“ Government Official #2: “Flagpole!” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #2: “No, the flagpole is falling! Watch out!” Government Officials #1, 2, and 3: “AHH!” Government Official #1: “The flagpole nearly struck us, like a critical lightning bolt from above.” Government Official #2: “The building is disintegrating before our eyes.” Government Official #1: “Collapsing.” Government Official #2: “Coming down upon us.” Government Official #1: “Even as we speak.” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #1: “What can we do?” Government Official #2: “We can move, or we can compose eulogies. Quickly.” Government Official #1: “Elegies.” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #2: “For the Tang.” Government Official #1: “Do you mean the dynasty, or the drink?” Government Official #2: “Only time will tell.” Government Official #1: “Fellow pangyrists, darkness approaches.” Government Official #2: “And now we die.” Government Official #1: “Perhaps poetry is not the foremost skill to seek in one’s government officials.” Government Official #3: “Yes.” Government Official #1: “But the poetry lives on.” Government Official #2: “Unfortunately, without us.” Government Official #1: “Poetic justice strikes again.” THE END Peter Dabbene’s poetry has been published in many literary journals, and collected in the photo book Optimism. He has published the graphic novels Ark and Robin Hood, the story collections Prime Movements and Glossolalia, and a novel, Mister Dreyfus' Demons. His latest books are Spamming the Spammers and More Spamming the Spammers. His website is www.peterdabbene.com. |
